Have I ever told you why I became a writer?
Well, obviously there are several reasons, but one of them was because when I was very young I’d have dreams nightmares that felt very real. I’d be coming home from school to find my family missing, or running away in the middle of the night. I’d dream my sister ceased to exist, or that we’d been caught up in a devastating fire.
And I was terrified that my thoughts would make these things actually happen! Aged 4, I didn’t really understand that I didn’t have that kind of power.
I started to write these thoughts down, and gave the characters different names, so that they would suffer and my family would be safe.
Phew!
Fast forward to this week. I sent off my first batch of queries. And then I started to envisage the outcome.
First, I imagined signing contracts and drinking Champagne in celebration. Everyone was cheering and I was making a speech.
Argh! No! What if that causes the universe to spite me? What if that would just bring many rejections to my inbox?
Next, I pictured the rejections, a long slog through my list of agents, getting to the end.
Argh! What if that makes the rejections happen?
Logically, I know my brain still doesn’t have that kind of power, but what if…? So, now, I’m practising the art of neutral thinking, where I try not to veer too far to the positive or negative. I’m focusing on – if I really must – the agent opening my email, and…
… and nothing. I’m trying to pull myself away, panning the camera back like the closing scene of a movie while inspirational music plays and the screen goes black.
(Well, you did say you wanted to be with me for the querying process, although this might not be quite what you meant 😉 )
Maybe the best thing to do is to try and forget about the queries you’ve sent out. Otherwise you drive yourself crazy with all the what-ifs. I think you’ve got a good idea here, to picture that the agents have gotten your queries and they’ll do what they’re going to do.
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I’m a writer, though – my whole career is based on what-ifs! 🙂
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Actually, your mind DOES have that power. So think the positive thoughts and see the positive pictures and then let it go completely. Putting out the energy to manifest the positive and then let go of the outcome…..And I love your story about why you started writing!! I think Stephen King may have been the same. He needs to be in charge of the scary monsters so they won’t scare him as much.
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I’m always a pretty positive person. I find it harder to let go though…
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It will keep us amused though!
Neutral thinking will keep you sane.
And if you could make things happen with your mind, then I’m taking you to Vegas.
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And it’ll give me something to focus on, Alex. I do have periods of good fortune, perhaps my thoughts do more than I think! Vegas here I come 🙂
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Hi Annalisa – well I guess you’d better get practising … as you’d be the first person to meet Alex!! Fun though … and yes I can see your logic … but I think getting your peace of mind back first would help … keep on writing, dreaming and imagining … cheers Hilary
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Meeting Alex would be huge, he’s blogging royalty 🙂 Thanks for cheering me on!
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I’m all for good vibes going around, but I think the best bet is to wave those queries goodbye, wish them luck, then get back to your next project. The “fade to black” sounds like a good approach!
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It’s so hard. I keep accidentally checking my email 😦 Time to break out the pen and paper, and keep my laptop locked up somewhere!
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it is easy to torment oneself with crazy scenarios. Sounds like neutral thinking is the best way to go. See what happens. Fingers crossed that it’s positive.!
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Thanks Joanne 🙂 I’ve been working on being neutral today, and so far, so good!
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I hear you about those nightmares….
Those queries are out on their own now, no longer in your control. Let them be free! Whatever will be, will be. (But I’ll cross my fingers for you anyway.) 🙂
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Thank you! Deep breaths, one two three… and calm again 🙂
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I hear the angst. First, it’s researching to find the right place to send the query, then tailoring it to fit each taste, then–and this is the worst–waiting. I’m so not good at waiting, but I’ve learned to do a lot of other things while I’m doing it. Good luck. Tell us what happens!
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The waiting is so hard. My plan was to get started on the next project, but I’m struggling with a plot… not good.
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Maybe that’s a common thing, kids dreaming about their families missing. I had the same dream frequently when I was a child! I wish I had written MY thoughts down about that. That aside, good thoughts, good vibes and good luck while you wait for good things to come your way via email! 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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I’m so glad you turned your dreams or nightmares into a career, even if it’s still fraught with all of that angst. Of course, any of us who’ve ever sent out a query will be right there with you in how you feel. That is one thing I’ve discovered in this business, and it has helped to know others are there with me.
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Yes, it’s always good to know you’re not the only one. I’m still trying really hard not to check my email every hour!
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I wish I had some strategies or other suggestions for reducing your anxiety, but I’m completely neurotic and am in a constant state of anxiety. I hope that you get good responses to the queries though!
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I find time is a natural reducer, the longer I wait for anything, the less anxious I am about it – it works for job interviews and exams as well as waiting for responses. I’m the person who turns up 2 hours early for an interview so that I induce the tedium of waiting around.
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This is now one of my favorite why-I’m-a-writer stories. I love it. I think you should turn it into a short story staring a 4-year-old girl.
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🙂 I’ve toyed around with the idea, but no story has ever stuck. I might give it another go.
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It is amazing to read the why of how we became writers. Thank you for sharing, dear friend.
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Hey, thanks for stopping by! I imagine that for every writer, there’s a very unique story that drove them to write.
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